Return from the wilderness

Hello!

Been a while, hasn't it? Been a touch on the busy side. For five months.

Anyhow, here are some things I wrote a while ago and would like to put here for posterity:

Thursday, 18th August 2005

Yesterday, the idea for an ironic rock band appeared, called PRALKA. Suggested ideas for record titles include;

• RIFFUS MAXIMUS
• ORTHODOXOS

Why am I interested in reading Bridget Jones' Diary? Why did I watch a documentary on the making of cheese on Tuesday night? These questions and more later.

--

Wednesday, 17th August 2005

Okay, it's ten past eight on a sunny Wednesday morning. I'm traveling backwards into Birmingham on the Lichfield train. I'm listening to Pulp's Different Class, which is a great album. I've been thinking for a couple of years that it could be re-arranged to make Pulp, the musical. The story of one man's struggle against mundanity in the halcyon days of the mid nineties. The programme will have "n.b. please do not read the lyrics whilst listening to the music". Spaghetti. Packed train, with people all reading their Metros. No-one talking. So Pulp finishes, and I find Emerge by Fischerspooner. Livens me up. Rolling into Duddeston. Interesting place. Fancy walking walking round the disused tracks now the trains have long gone. Huge weeds and sleepers.

List #1

= It Makes Me Feel Fantastic

That's what a man said on the news about sniffing polyester.

1. I'd like my hair back
2. I'd like to be about 12 stone
3. I'd prefer to be 20
4. Less scared of impending children
5. Better social skills

That's it for now. It's been good talking. A selection from Fantastic Plastic Machine for the walk to work.

Czésć.

---

Ends

Rambling Update

Hello folks.

My back hurts like crap. This is possibly due either 1) sleeping in a poor position, or 2) standing up for about nine hours straight playing FIFA 09 on the Wii. I was going to go to key some more gubbins into the database at the Radio Station, however I got up at an unfeasibly late time (1.30pm) to do anything other than have a bath. So tonight, surely, will see the en

BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH ON THE LAPTOP

As I was typing the above, the laptop flashed and did the blue screen. BAD_POOL_ERROR. Arses. All seems ok now, but, crap.

Yes, as I was saying, tonight (barring further blue screens of death) should see the end of the 12 month mission to convert all the tapes from Audio 90/60/12 minutes to MP3. I will celebrate, then tomorrow convert the TASCAM mixing desk things. Shouldn't take long, as they are maximum 20 minutes each. Well, not 12 months, anyway.

iTunes says I am down to the last 8.9 days of unheard music. This will rise when the fully archived stuff goes in. There's about 5 G's of it to go in.

Recently read books:
Googlies, Nutmegs & Bogeys - The Origins of Peculiar Sporting Lingo; Bob Wilson

Fighting Talk - Flimsy Facts, Sweeping Statements and Inspired Sporting Hunches; With Johnny Vaughan and Colin Murray

Emphasis on sport, there.

Breaking news from the laptop:
"Windows has recovered from an unexpected shutdown...Problem Event Name: BlueScreen"

Wow! Insight!

Other news:
Folowing the departure to pastures new of my nameless newsreading crush, several replacements have appeared. Which itself is worrying - this suggests a permanent position that needs to be filled, so to speak. So, doyenne of the unbelievably late nights on BBC News Karin Giannone steps forward to fill that gap, whilst elfin Laura Tobin ably assists on the weather presentation duties. Why am I telling you this?

Sport:
Every team in England are adept at shooting themselves in the feet. Repeatedly. Special mention goes to Liverpool, a team I still hope win the league this year. Excellent play, had the chance to slap rivals Manchester United with verbal joust which needed to be followed by a good result. Good result failed to materialise, Liverpool now behind Manchester United on GD, but with a game fewer to play.

Notes:
America inaugurates 44th President, no obvious news angle there.

Righto, a few presentation issues to rectify, and this wayward update is complete. Eyes down for more Twitter updates and fuller blog updatery in 2009.

What a year it will be, all 11 months of it that are left.

Twitter

Hello world, and a hugely 'Selecta!' New Year to you too.

As I now live in the world of fast moving media and constantly changing deadlines (yeah, right), my blog has been a little pushed back over the last few...erm...months. So, in order to keep the world of such revelatory news items as "I'm eating soup!", "Newcastle shot themselves in both feet again", "I have a new favourite song!", Nothing Too Pretentious is delighted to announce the birth of its daughter site...

twitter.com/andy_day

Twitter allows uber brief updates that are transmitted from handy facilities like a mobile phone, limited to 140 characters.

Ah, the joys of a contract mobile phone.

Anyhow, in a lovely cross-promotional burst, I do have a new favourite song - "50 Souls and A Discobowl" by 'The Lionheart Brothers'. I heard this this afternoon, on the Hospital request programme. Yes, Norwegian bezerker psychedelic rock. On a Hospital Radio request programme. I requested to hear it again! And they played it. You don't get that on Radio Two.

Crikey!

I must have been busy, as it says here I haven't posted for a month.

In the last month, I have got ever closer to completing my tape transfer project, taken a huge interest in East Germany, correctly predicted that Newcastle would draw from being a strong 2-0 HT leader against Stoke City, been silently carpeted for being late (can't help it!) and discovered I can mimic both parts in "It's Cold Outside" as performed by Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews.

Stand by for this to be broadcast to an unsuspecting public before Christmas Day.

News

Hello,

It's been impossibly busy in the last month or so, dividing my time between being on air, doing research for the programme, keying in singles, recording my old tapes onto the computer, doing gym work and, oh yeah, actual paid work. So free time (meaning bloggery time) has sort of run dry. I needed to do an update today, simply to explain my position on a few things:

Radio 2 vs. The World

Although it wasn't exactly Radio 2 versus the World, however it felt like that for a while. I don't want to add an unnecessary layer onto something that should now be forgotten about - yet I need to write that the only person to come out of this well is Andrew Sachs, who has been dignified, blameless and gracious throughout.

U.S. Presidential Election Result

A few years back, I was pointed by someone I knew towards Barack Obama to be the next President of the USA. I nodded, and listened patiently to the excited tones explaining how the junior Senator for Illinois was making waves. I was largely indifferent to his spectacular rise until my interest was rekindled after reading an interview in the September 1st issue of NewsWeek (the line is originally from The Audacity of Hope):

"A man's either trying to live up to his father's expectations or make up for his father's mistakes."

That is wisdom, and applies to it all. Which one are you doing?

So that's why I was awake at 4am this morning, watching history occur right in front if my eyes.

Anyhow, must dash, soup to cook, sleep to do, that kind of thing.

I Am 30

What else to do but to share one of the finest bits of graffiti  in the city:

Radio News

After years of procrastination, I finally got off my arse and volunteered to help at the local Hospital Radio centre. I seem to have been accepted (I've been there about a week), and have been offered broadcast training!

Hurrah! All I can say is - in December - Get Ill.

Podcast?

Through the wonders of eBay, someone sold me a very cheap Mini Disc recorder. These things are fantastic for voice recording in the field (and not in fields, for that matter). I want to be able to develop my READING OUT LOUD FOR BROADCAST skills, and have been quietly muttering rubbish into it without doing anything vaguely constructive. So, I'm considering visiting exotic places and reading these witterings out and putting them up as a podcast for you to listen to at your leisure, anywhere in the world.

What do you think?

Advertising

Hello

I thought I'd lose some more sleep and attempt some moody atmospheric adverts for this place. Not that it needs to advertise, of course. So here they are, in glorious mostly grey, white, blue and beard-o-vision. I was trying to be over the top with the moodiness, to make a "Potentially Pretentious" theme to them, but I was overcome with a desire for mildly amusing captions instead for ads two and three.

Some lighter ones maybe later this week.

Woktastic

A few words of thanks for Woktastic who offered me some free sushi outside of their new restaurant in Paradise Forum (Birmingham’s Central Library). I have been keen to try some sushi and was excited to try some for free. Unfortunately, it was soaking in vinegar. I am grateful for the opportunity to try something new, so I’m more than happy to drop a free plug for their restaurant and website. Harigato!

The Nothing Too Pretentious Cookbook

Two pots or fewer, or your money back!

I’m not the most adventurous of cooks, but there are a few comfort food dishes I really enjoy cooking. They are easy to produce, tasty to eat and straightforward to wash up.

Of course I’d like to share a few recipes with you! Today we have:

Unpretentious Lasagne

Feeds between two students and six hardcore dieters.

You will need:

One non-stick pan

One thumb deep rectangular oven proof dish

One wooden spoon

A chopping/cutting knife

Ingredients, all available from your local supermarket:

500g Mince

Lasagne Sheets (ready made)

Tomato Puree (tube)

White Sauce (Béchamel, usually – but sold as “White Sauce”)

Cheese, grated

Some chopped Basil (fresh - good, dried - ok)

Suggested: sliced peppers, sliced mushrooms or tinned sweetcorn

Method:

Oven on to 200C in preparation for later.

Hob to full whack.

Throw mince into non-stick pan and sprinkle in basil. Stir until cooked (i.e. not pink, brown is also ok). Add other suggested ingredients here, if you want. Once this has been mixed in, dump in tomato puree, as much as coats the mixture you have made. Reduce heat to about ¾. Gently add in more tomato puree until it looks like a very thick sauce, covering most of your mixture.

Get your dish. Spoon in mixture to cover the base of the dish. Smooth until relatively flat. Cover this layer with another layer, of the lasagne sheets. Completely cover the mixture. Repeat this process until you have run out of mixture. Top your last layer with more sheets. Pour over the top your white sauce. Cover this with grated cheese.

Bung lot on the top shelf of the ready heated oven for 30 minutes. If you haven’t done it already, turn off your hob.

After 30 minutes, the Unpretentious Lasagne is ready to serve. Caution! Hot. Caution! Moreish.

Lasagne is good served on its own, but goes well with a small portion of fresh steamed veg.

Don’t worry if your meat/veg mixture isn’t cooked thoroughly in the pan, it gets a full half-hour of raging heat in the oven.

Enjoy!

Tune in another time for more unpretentious cookery.

Bringing The Summer of 1986 Bang Up To Date

Hello.

If you have ever thought to yourself; "What happens when the people at major financial institutions have to wait between bits of work finishing?", well the answer is usually find something else to eat. However recently, thanks to an inspired moment of lunacy from Miss P, we bring to you the smash hit from the summer of 1986 re-worded for the binge-drinking generation. Obviously, writing something about chavs would be easy, and they wouldn't work as well with the 'source material', so here is the middle class - far too much wine - surprised man in chinos - version. With full accreditation, and directions for the music video too...

Lady Gone Red

With sincere apologies to Chris De Burgh

New words by Nothing Too Pretentious and Miss P

Scene: Dark alleyway. Brick wall behind. Man wears sports pullover around shoulders. Man looks thoughtful into middle distance. Gentle movement of busy town centre in background. Music begins. Man sings:

I’ve never seen you looking so munted as you did tonight

I’d never seen you have a fight

-

I’ve never seen so many doormen ask you if you wanted to leave

They’re looking for a little more calm, given half a chance

I couldn’t see that dress you were wearing

Oh, the highlights in your hair that match your eyes; you might be blind

The lady gone red, is hanging off me, cheek to cheek

There’s nobody here, it’s just you and me, you scared them all away

But I hardly know, this mad bint by my side

I never will for-get, the way you drank tonight

I’d never seen you looking so spaced out as you did tonight

I’d never heard you talk such sh*te, you were amazing

I’d never seen so many police want to be there by your side

They threw us out the pub, they took our drinks away

And I have never had such a feeling

Such a feeling of complete and utter shame, as I do tonight

The lady gone red, is hanging off me, cheek to cheek

There’s nobody here, it’s just you and me, you scared them all away

But I hardly know, this mad bint by my side

I never will for-get, the way you drank tonig-hight

I never will for-get, the way you drank tonight

The lady gone red

The lady gone red

The lady gone red

My lady’s gone red.

Scene: Dark alleyway, wider shot. Man holding wife’s hair back as she vomits spectacularly. Fade out with close up on man’s crushingly disappointed face.

A Few Quick Points

I have been monumentally disappointed by everything I have ever bought from Maplin Electronics. And yet I still visit.

There is an intermittent loud buzzing which could be either a big, angry wasp, a hornet (eek!) or a small motorcycle trapped behind the drawers. Either way, it's freaking me out.

Some proles living nearby are having a laughably small rave. I can only just hear the music, but every ten seconds or so I hear a "Whoop!! Whoop!!". It's like it never went out of fashion. Or possibly they are trapped in a horrendous 1995 time-warp.

Tiny book review: Richard Hammond can write about his recovery in a grown up and illuminating way. Mindy Hammond's version of events seems to involve a lot of crying and being brave. I don't doubt that this didn't happen, in an immensely traumatic time. It seemed to me like I re-read the same page twenty times. Sorry. Still an NTP recommended book.

Tidy Up

Hello,

In line with the current downsizing and clutter removal I am doing, please note that some well loved features of this page have been removed;

• The "Weekly List"
• The Daft Passport Picture
• Quite a few books off the "currently reading" list

Added however are:

• Subscribe to this blog with RSS or other newsreading software!
• Books scheduled to read as soon as I have finished the "Currently Reading" section!
• Updated and relevant links! (Includes links for Birmingham's immediate and longer term weather, the Baltimore Orioles site and Magazine Monitor amongst others)

Hopefully this will give you a more harmonious and possibly useful reading experience as you pass through this site.

Do come back soon.

Ooh!

Introducing you to my current desktop at work, stretched full (if you want the full vision). Best viewed in 4:3 square-o-vision, then you get the magnificence of the spherical cloud. Originally only meant to be up for one day, this replaced the vandalised "Windows NT" with NT crossed out and XP written over the top after 11 months.

Of course, this was to commemorate the Trinity test of July 16, 1945; the moment science theoretically could have destroyed the world. The results were less devastating than that, but still deadly enough for its cousins to virtually end World War Two.

From scientists theoretically having the power to destroy the world, the governments of the world now have enough to destroy the world five times over.

Enough doom though - what an astonishing image. Captured (according to the always correct Wikipedia) 0.016 seconds after detonation. Props to the legendary Berlyn Brixner who took the photograph. He's still very much alive, and he's the only 97 year old I want to meet. He is famously also the inventor of the Ultra High Speed shutter.

Something Light, Please

Hello

It has been a week since the last time I was able to check the internet, as my lovely T-Mobile web system has decided to go kamikaze. I think that 'the big computer' has been infested with some nasty sodding virus, which is causing a denial of service attack every few minutes. Cock.

So I have relocated to the surprisingly pleasant early evening sunshine in the conservatory with the laptop. (Fully updated with a leading brand of anti-virus software.) In the distance I can hear children playing with a hose, a helicopter, and smell freshly cut grass. Re-reading that sentence, it seems that the children are playing with a helicopter and some grass. This is wrong, but I can't be bothered to retype it.

I have also spent humungous amounts of time reading Derren Brown's book, Tricks of the Mind. If you click on the title, you can go to Amazon and get a copy, should you wish. It has filled me with confidence and boosted my brain, as well as handily slapping psychics and alternative medicine. I also now how to 'do hypnosis' and some rudimentary card tricks. Well worth a read.

On the subject of books, there are quite a few I need to finish. I am desperate to finish Richard Hammond's story of his life threatening crash in 2006 - will he survive? I won't know until I finish the book. Nice read, however it seems to be written for children, by both of the Hammonds. Full review if needed on completion.

Nothing much has happened with the Radio stuff yet, but I have built some fake newspapers in the classic style, for work. And mentioning work, I applied for a new job today. Lets see what happens.

The sun has moved lower in the sky, and the children's yelps have been replaced with the relaxing sound of police cars and wheelspins.

Mentioning police cars, the first edition of this series of Top Gear was on NTP TV last night. My technique of minute detail watching spotted that not only did JC have "In prison, no-one can hear you scream", but the unremarked "It's the filth" in capital reverse letters on his bonnet. Class.

Right, think i might get some coffee. Back later.

Random Irritations 0001

Afternoon,

I was sitting and contemplating witty and clever things when it struck me that there seems to be no word to sum up thunder and lightning. Thunder and lighting are very much the same thing, even though the thunder may occur seconds after the lightning strike.

Anyhow, this distraction led me to mistype in my document, and created what I will use as the umbrella phrase for my radio work - A Pint of Lightning.

Watch this space.

Fishing For Cats

Evening,

As things like washing up or attempting a social life begin to decrease in importance, new hobbies/exercises in time-wasting spring up in their place. This is where fishing for cats comes in.

Increasing numbers of local cats visit this house when the windows are open to have a nose around. Then they see me, and then run away. I decided to try to lure in a cat to play with for a while, just to see if I could.  A couple of nights this week, I laid some tuna out in a bowl, which caused severe interest, but no actual sightings. Cats prefer fish to sweet-corn, in a shock development.

After reading up on Felis catus, and learning about how they like to stalk things, I devised a very simple 'bird on a string' toy/lure which was literally string and some newspaper. This didn't work yesterday.

Tonight, I saw a cat peeking out from behind the sofa, so I casually found out the stringy toy and let the cat fall for it. It ripped it off the string and ran away, destroying the 'bird' with vigor. I threw the string in frustration, but the cat thought that the 'bird' was still alive and went for it again. After 10 minutes of Machiavellian-orchestrated playing, I closed the windows and bagged my first cat.

Felis catus thinks 'Bugger, I've been comprehensively out thought. How to get out?' 

Felis catus resigned to being out-thought, but still protecting it's hard earned snake/lure/string, becomes Felis domesticus.

Needless to say, I let it go shortly afterwards, after giving it some milk and some friendly tickles.

Welcome To Birmingham, 1

I have some lovely pictures of Birmingham, I really do.

I also have some ghastly examples of this fine city. Starting with these...

Snapped on the way in to work recently, we see the work of a Thursday night pavement Picasso. As you can also see, the work is being inspected by representatives of the Pigeon Arts Trust to see if it can be saved or permanently displayed in the Tate Modern. 

I am impressed with the attention to detail of deliberately adding cigarette ends to the regurgitated lager and curry, as if to say "there was a third factor involved in this vomit...you need to appreciate the depth and other textures involved".

A triumph all round, for the artists, and the cleaners at Flares who let this stay on their steps overnight. 

Here is the sign which as of today was still on the Livery Street (car park) exit of Snow Hill station. I have deliberately left on the phone number, I dare you to phone up and ask what exactly a "Chef Highway Engineer" does. Out of shot is the detail saying "Completion January 2008".

Thanks to W.W Design for this clanger. I thought that this would be a one off, or it would be changed as soon as someone commented. But no, this has been re-used throughout the renovations of 'Paradise Place', a.k.a. that bit with the shops in under the library.

"Would like to apologies"? What? I admit that occasionally might spell a word incorrectly, but THIS IS A SIGN IN A PUBLIC PLACE. Who proofreads this? I can imagine the conversation, "Shall we check it for spelling Lance?" "Nah, they'll have done that upstairs." Whilst upstairs are thinking "Did we spell check that? Ah, bugger it. It'll be spotted."

Some one is being paid to produce this crap.

Grr.

Anyhow, many thanks to Sam Sparro for keeping me entertained whilst I write today, check out "Black and Gold". 

I Will Survive!

Hello nation,

It has been a long time since I did ANYTHING to this place - since January 15th, in fact - the time has come to drag my new(ish) laptop to the sheer joy of Wetherspoon's and the free wi-fi. What have I been up to? Well, I have had literally thousands of emails asking about...well, work stuff. I know that to say that you have a blog is about as cutting edge as saying "I have an email address", but this place is a little online sanctuary of calm.

I say calm, I took me literally two hours to log into the place. But at least in the meantime I found out that Kate Lawler finished the London Marathon.



My trawls through tape land have reached about half way; all of my tapes are going to be consigned to the great landfill in the west and be replaced with MP3s. I never knew I recorded myself doing so much crap.

Anyhow, I am back, and shall decree that MONDAY NIGHT IS BLOGGING NIGHT and at least one update will go in from now on each Monday.

Back shortly.