Letters to The Sun

Today, I saw possibly the most astounding correspondence that has been published in a national newspaper, which I will re-type here verbatim (hence the quotation section).

I am diagnosed by the NHS as suffering from paranoid schizophrenia as a result of believing extra-terrestrials are in telepathic contact with me. Yet I read that an NHS hospital is using an exorcist in order to get rid of a ghost. Where is the consistency?

Robert Greatorex, Newcastle upon Tyne

It was the "Where is the consistency" line that made me nearly fall off my chair.

My Disease...

I've been taking some pictures of myself with the artistic looking / moody beard that has been steadily covering my lower face, and one picture in particular proves I suffer from the rare condition of John Barnes Disease.

Yes, like the former England forward and occasional rapper, the lower half of my face is at least a third bigger at the bottom than the top.

Observe:

I'm not the dancers, by the way. 

Did you know that John Barnes was Newcastle's leading goalscorer in 1997/1998 with SIX goals?