Tuesday 29 July 2008

Sarcastic Work Experience Report

Timekeeping: Not sure. Never seemed to be at her desk.

Learning Ability: Limited to stuff about texting

Appearance: Wretched, with special mentions to jeans and trainers

Motivation: Seemed to be money, violence and watching television

Relationship with other employees: Non-Existant

Relationship with manager: Possibly hostile

Ability to follow/seek guidance: Ha!

Ability to work in group/team: Never in a month of Sundays

General comments: Possibly the squadron leader for the next wave of inconsiderate mouth-breathers that will further tarnish the name of our once great nation. I weep for all of us, for in fifty years, thei children will care for us in our nursing homes, unless, I can finally get my hands on some automatic weapons.

Letters to The Editor

Morning,

Yesterday evening, with the more than able assistance of Mr. W, we created some reactionary and subversive letters to The Evening Mail, and The Sun. Here they are:

Knives:
My 14 year old loves Facebook and I was happy for him to use the internets to chat to his friends. After your front page, I grounded him and filled his computer with sand. Now he hates me, but this is a small price to pay for his safety. It wasn't like this in my day.

'Concerned'

Asylum Seekers/Illegals:
I am stunned to read of yet more mindless violence on our streets, caused by these so-called 'asylum seekers'. In my day these criminals would have been thrown out of the country, but now, because of the do-gooders, they are given a hotel room and free Sky TV. Disgraceful.

General:
I agree with S.T. Vaughan. I wouldn't trust most MPs as far as I could throw them!

"Youth of Today":
On a visit to my local shopping centre, I was shocked and disgusted to overhear a conversation between two youngsters at the bus stop. The language they were using I can only describe as unprintable! It's about time they brought back national service to instil some integrity, manners and respect in the youth of today.

Disgusted Citizen, Frankley

On The Buses:
As we hear so much in these pages attacking Birmingham's bus service, I feel it is only right that I put pen to paper to praise the driver of the number 63 bus who greeted me with a cheery smile today. Following an altercation with some youths, he proved himself to be the model of professionalism. Keep up the good work!

June Badcock, Rubery

"The Germans":
I was shocked and appalled to read that the Barber's children were not allowed to play on the swings - unlike the German children. How Mike Barber restrained himself is beyond me. Remind me, who won the war, anyway?

Anon

Yes, 'internets' is deliberate...