Madame B - Episode 1

05 December 2003, 08:57

Good morning, believers

I have just been tapped on the shoulder by a dishevelled and frankly hideous looking Mme B, who assures me that six bottles of Scotch a night is perfectly acceptable for a celebrity horoscope provider, such as herself. I asked her if she had ever seen Russell Grant or Mystic Meg walk into Drummond House, still clattered after a night of superpowered binge drinking. She has stormed off with a builders trowel, to hastily apply make up and invent some rubbish based on tea-leaves/the planets/upturned fish-bowl/the words the scabs on her genitals read today.

Stars update will hit your inboxes at around 11.30, but a more lurid set of stars could be available after Mme B has a couple of tots at "The Ritz" with the rest of the team here.

Keep the faith.